Don’t marry who you love, love who you marry…

Great message this morning from Todd Wagner from John 13:34.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

If you are married (or single and want to be married), I’d challenge you to listen to the message.  You can find the whole thing here.   One quote that jumped out at me was that God doesn’t call us to marry someone that we “love”, He does however call us to love the one we marry.  Everything in our culture tells us that love is a feeling.  However scripture shows us that everything about love is an action, and has nothing to do with how we feel.  (See 1 Cor 13 if you need proof of this).  The American church loves to point at the outside attacks on the definition of marriage as if somehow we haven’t been doing the institution of marriage a disservice all along.  We may say that marriage is between one man and one woman, but what we’ve really been saying is that it is between one man and one woman… at a time…

The divorce rate among Christians is where the church needs to double down, and ask how well you are doing at loving the one you marry.  Is your marriage the kind of marriage that make people want to stop and ask about why you love that way even when it is hard?  Are you treating your husband or wife in a way that shows off John 13:34? There have been many times when I have loved poorly.  Sometimes spectacularly poorly.  I’m thankful that we serve a God who loves broken people and loves to heal marriages that seem spectacularly broken.

What has been the hardest thing for your marriage to endure and what are some creative ways you have learned to better love your husband or wife?


  1. A great reminder of how important our choices are in EVERYTHING we do! Including Choosing to be Married! Just posted a blog last week about this very topic. We are living among a generation of couples who face their crossroad (I believe every marriage throughout time faces the question as to whether to stick it out) but instead of persevering the choice is isolation and a loss of hope. Marriage is like fine wine, it gets better with time if you work at it. Thankfully, to stand at a crossroad in marriage is never an option for my husband and I. But it is for too many! Thank you for spreading this important message.

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